You see, there comes a time in a young woman’s life where you call yourself to order. It’s called a “Come to Jesus” moment. It has very little to do with Jesus himself, but more a call to absolute self honesty. To ask yourself difficult questions and answer them.
Hi Friend, It’s been a bit! I was thinking about this topic, and went through this myself and thought to share with you.
You see, there comes a time in a young woman’s life where you call yourself to order. It’s called a “Come to Jesus” moment. It has nothing to do with Jesus himself, but more a call to absolute self honesty. To ask yourself difficult questions and answer them.
This process sounds incredibly easy right? It’s pretty much just sitting yourself down and talking to yourself, asking yourself - and answering difficult questions right? But you see, this is one of the most difficult things you could ever do because as humans, the truth is a very bitter pill to swallow especially when it is something you do not want to hear, or deal with or does not put you in the best of light.
Well, this is a call for you to have one with yourself as soon as you can.
We live in a world today, where self love is celebrated (as it should be), but we tend to mask over our flaws because we need to feel good about ourselves. I get this - the world around us constantly tells us how inadequate we are, how we do not measure up to standards, be it beauty, intellect, success. So I totally understand why it is incredibly important to celebrate self love, and acceptance in these times.
As we celebrate these however, it is important for us to tell ourselves the truth and be complete in our assessment of ourselves. The constructive truth of things we are great at, and things we could do way better. We need to realize that we could have potentially toxic behaviors, take responsibility on how it might impact others in a way we do not even know.
It is important to realize, we are not perfect and we all have bad habits that affect ourselves, and people around us in ways we might not mean and this post is a reminder, and hopefully a call for action to us all to check ourselves, before we? Yup - wreck ourselves.
If you’ve never done this before, I bet you are thinking about how exactly to begin to approach this. This is a routine exercise for me and honestly, it is not as simple as it sounds, but the insights after can be a very good springboard to letting you know areas you need to improve upon, and that’s a great first step to actually improving on them.
Here are a few tips that have worked for me when doing this exercise, and I hope they work for you.
1. Be Sure You Are In The Right Frame Of Mind
This is a very sensitive exercise and it is important that you are in a balanced state of mind before you even start. If you are in a place where you feel the worst of yourself, or in a low, or depressed mood, probably best to delay this exercise till you feel emotionally and mentally balanced.
This is because, the exercise will require a lot of objectivity and will uncover a few things you might not be happy about, but you have to deal with anyway. So, if you are in a state of mind where your objective perception of yourself might be impaired, it definitely will affect how effective it will be, and also the results you come out with.
2. Stand Outside Your Experiences and Assess Them Objectively
I have this with myself as a conversation. Yes - even sometimes out loud (when I’m alone, obviously) and its very interesting to see that you have a fresh perspective on things, when you remove the personal element. As you go through this exercise, it makes sense to use a few scenarios where maybe you acted in a way you know could have been better, or was not ideal. It is important not to take things personal.
Stand outside of these experiences and begin to ask yourself difficult questions and answer them with your honest answers. Even when you try to justify certain behaviors to yourself, it is important that you question those as well. A few key questions that have worked for me for specific experiences.
1. Why did i do that? 2. Could i have done better? 3. What was my intention? 4. No, my real intention? Dig deeper. 5. How could you have done that better? 6. Was that from a good place? 7. What in my past experience could have impacted my response? 8. If it happened again, what would i do differently? 9. Why would i approach it that way?
1. What are my bad habits that made this happen? 2. How often in the past have i displayed this bad habit? 3.What are my triggers and patterns? 4. How is it affecting my relationships? 4. How does it negatively impact people i love? 5. What am i going to do about it?
3. Allow Yourself See The “Ugly”
This is arguably the hardest part. We don’t want to see the ugly parts of ourself. It’s hard to know that you aren’t all flowers and roses and that you have bits that need serious improvement. We all aren’t perfect, and it’s okay to realize that and not expect that of yourself.
The very first step to growth is to know what you could do better, then you can do better. Because this is a largely psychological exercise, the extent of truth you will be able to uncover has a lot to do with how honest you are ready to be with yourself.
Because this is a largely psychological exercise, the extent of truth you will be able to uncover has a lot to do with how honest you are ready to be with yourself.
So as you approach this, be ready to see your flaws clearly and accept them. Do not explain them or justify them, there are always rational explanations for even the most terrible of behaviors. Try to approach this from the perspective of taking some responsibility for your part towards being a better person.
4. Validate with a Trusted Friend
Sometimes we don’t know how we come across until someone external explains it to us as plain as day. If you do not have a friend that can tell you the undiluted truth about your behaviors, then you need to check what company you have around you. Hearing the truth is a difficult thing, especially when it isn’t pleasant and this is why it’s important to have people around who will tell it to you, as it is.
So, ask yourself, do you have any friends that will tell you the truth as it is? Who will tell you when you are the one who messed up? Who will not pander to you, try to make you feel better all the time, and who will call you out on your bullshit?
It helps as you go through this exercise to check in with them. Ask them probing questions. Stay centered even when they say things that feel "hurtful". I find that people are more comfortable with sharing uncomfortable feedback with you when they see you are open to hearing the truth. So, approach a trusted friend today and take a bit of the truth pill. It’s bitter but it helps you grow.
5. Write It Down
This part is strange, and a little unnatural. But it’s important to write it down. I try to focus on the top three. The reason you write it down is because, things are much clearer when you write them down. It also helps you refer to them and check in on how you are doing with unlearning and relearning.
It is interesting that I write this post in chronological order as though this were a point in time event. Ideally, this should be an ongoing process. As we go through life and our experiences, we need to call ourselves to order, ask difficult questions and check ourselves before we what?
You got it.
Here is a related article on Ways You Might Self Sabotage